Posted by Dr. Alda Ngo
As I witness so many brave people share their stories, in honour of CIAW & helping to normalize the conversation around infertility, I will take the opportunity to share my own story. I am #1in6
I’ve been working in fertility health since 2007 & for a good 7 plus years of this time, I found myself in my own struggle. Being immersed in it, it was both a blessing & a curse to be working in the industry, as I struggled to find a single moment when the thoughts & emotions associated with infertility didn’t dominate.
It was a rollercoaster of hope & disappointment & I was fortunate to know very well that I wasn’t alone but still held it close & couldn’t speak of it openly because it felt sensitive & private & I never quite knew when I would well up & cry. It was always just right under the surface & I felt the need to hold it together, so I held it mostly inside.
I did all the things & at times I did none of the things. It wasn’t a linear path, but I did my best to meet every moment with as much awareness & kindness as was available to me. Finally after much hope & heartache, surgery, acupuncture, herbs, healthy eating, terrible eating, yoga, exercise, languishing, loving my partner, wanting to strangle my partner, miscarriages, IUI’s, supplements, & the like… we managed to conceive our son.
Funny enough, there I sat in a 10-day silent meditation retreat, in the surrealness that the home pregnancy test I took in the retreat centre bathroom was positive. There I sat with the disbelief, the excitement, the happiness, the fear & the dread of another loss & couldn’t speak of any of it. Being with it in silence and watching the storm of thoughts & emotions for another 7 days. The culmination of 7 years into 7 days of silence with nothing to do but watch & accept & breathe with it all.
May you find the inner space and calm to recognize and take good care of what you do have control over, while cultivating openness and deep acceptance of whatever outcome you don’t have control over. Be kind to yourselves.
We have upcoming Online Mindfulness For Fertility programs by donation. For more information, go to www.mindfulnessforfertility.com